I never drink water; that is the stuff that rusts pipes. What contemptible scoundrel has stolen the cork to my lunch?

WC Fields

The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid

Richard Braunstein

Lois: Oh Peter, you've been drinking again.

Peter: Nah, I'm just exhausted cause I've been drinking all night

Family Guy

Beer, the cause of and solution to, all life's problems.

Homer Simpson

I'd rather have a bottle in front of me than a frontal labotomy.

Dorothy Parker.

All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. 

Homer Simpson

I drink to make other people interesting.

George Jean Nathan.

Work is the curse of the drinking classes 

Oscar Wilde. Another master of putting words together in ways that stick true.

I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day.

Frank Sinatra

The Smoker You Drink, The Player You Get

Joe Walsh

Not everyone who drinks is a poet. Some of us drink because we're not poets 

Arthur, played by Dudley Moore.

Reality is an illusion that occurs due to the lack of alcohol.

Anonymous  

They talk of my drinking but never my thirst.

Scottish saying.

When I realized that what I had turned out to be was a lousy, two-bit pool hustler and drunk, I wasn't depressed at all. I was glad to have a profession.

Danny McGoorty

Drinking is a way of ending the day.

Earnest Hemingway.

I never eat breakfast on an empty stomach.

WC Fields

An intelligent man is sometimes forced to be drunk to spend time with his fools.

Earnest Hemingway

You can't be a real country unless you have a beer and an airline. It helps if you have some kind of a football team, or some nuclear weapons, but at the very least you need a beer.

Frank Zappa

Beer makes you feel the way you ought to feel without beer 

Henry Lawson

This is one of the disadvantages of wine; it makes a man mistake words for thoughts.

Samuel Johnson

The hard part about being a bartender is figuring out who is drunk and who is just stupid.

Richard Braunstein

I spent a lot of my money on booze, birds, and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.

George Best

There can't be good living where there is not good drinking.

Ben Franklin

They say some of my stars drink whiskey, but I have found that the ones who drink milkshakes don't win many ball games 

Casey Stengel

I'm not a heavy drinker, I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.

Noel Coward

Why is there so much wine left at the end of my money?

Milan Maximovich

Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.

Steve Allen. Love the glasses!

The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

Martin Mull